Emptiness

As I walked down the path I chose,

Around me the dust of my past rose

Thousands of pairs of eyes, I see,

        are following as though seeing right through me.

I cower, cover and break into a run

Jeering eyes follow, drawing out of my misery, twisted fun

The gaping hole inside me is now so pronounced,

My masks fade as darkness creeps up unannounced.

My tears have dried and my patience tried

as I grope,

in the darkness for a tiny speck of hope...

Three Three Three

Ok i got a tag from Leo... And I'm gonna please him by doing something immediately...
Here goes..

My Famous 3 Names:
Priya Vinay
HoneyMunch
Kutty (thts cos of my size)



3 things that scare me:
Losing people close to me
Cockroaches
More cockroaches

3 things which make me smile
being kissed on my cheek
getting roses
watching the finished attempt of my friend's artwork make-up on my face(happens a lot. I've learned to smile now :) )

3 things i Love
My scooty pep
Chocolates
my tata photon modem(My boredom killer machine)

3 Things I hate
Bad hair days
People frowning
Being away from home

3 Things I don't understand
Why whom we marry is decided by a group of people other than the people who have to get married?
Why people don't believe in aliens?
Why I'm like what I am :)

3 Things I'm doing right now
Getting updates from a function that happened today at workplace
Doing this tag (DUH!)
Helping ma select a saree to work tommorow

3 Things I can't do
Wait for a person to finish talking
Not fight
Not write

3 Things I think you should listen to
Your heart
Mom - I hate to admit this but - Moms are always right when it comes to us.
Music


3 shows I watched as a kid
Jungle book (jungle jungle patha chala haia chadi pehen ke phool khila hai :))
Fantastic Four
Woody Woodpecker

3 things I want in a Relationship
His effort
Trust
Fun


3 things appeal to me from the opposite sex
How much they make me smile
How easy going they are
How they are ready to do anything anytime


3 favorite fictious characters
Sherlock Holmes
Caption Jack Sparrow
Edward (twilight)

3 of my favorite hobbies
Singing for no reason
Troubling mom
Writing

3beverages i drink regularly
Orange juice
Tea
Salted lemon Soda

3 things I love about myself
How easily i get disracted (Easy to make me forget why I get angry)
My eyes
I'm very clean and organized (for people who watch FRIENDS - I'm monica)


3 Things I hate about myself
I look like a school girl (and i'm 22. I'm sick and tired of people minimum 5 years younger than me calling me cute)
I'm restless
I tend to be controlling


3 things I'm wearing right now:
My favorite black tee.
My age old skirt
and my specs


2truths and a lie
I'm head over heals in love
My haircut looks bad (I did that to myself)
I hate my haircut (This is the lie)

3 people i wanna pass this on to
Pugazh
Amity
GV - high time u wrote something..

Flying to Fall...

Light enveloped me.
I basked in my triumph.
I had made it out of the pain,
that was to be.

I unrolled my wings,
And took off into the sky.
Besides me was my love,
Making me fly high.

Happiness took me higher,
His presence made me lighter.
He pushed me further into the light,
So much, that reality was out of sight.

He pushed me higher,
Higher into the sun.
It scorched my feathers,
The pain could not be undone.

Conscious of my ache,
He pushed me further into the sky.
Oblivious to his lie,
I hid my pain, and smiled fake.

All my feathers burned,
Of his deceit I then learnt.
I fell, with a cry, pleading for help,
His job was done, in joy he yelped.

Tears of anger, decorated my face,
The fall ended, there was an abrupt stop.
But I fell, fell deeper,
Entwined by death's reaper,
The glowing light still on top.


PS: This is my 50th blog post YAY!!!! Thanks to all for being there for me :)

Pic Courtesy - scrapetv.com

Love

The sparkle in his eyes,
Or the sweet lies,
I don't know what did it.

Was it the way he made me feel,
Or how fast he made the old wounds heal.
I don't know what did it.

The way he grabs and swings me around,
Or calls me up, just to hear my sound.
I don't know what did it.

The way he behaves silly, to make me laugh,
Or how generously he splits, his favorite chocolate cake in half.
I don't know what did it.

What is do remember is the way he stole my heart,
With just one look.
I could not break apart,
It held me like a hook.
That moment I knew,
I was in love.


PS: Not exactly poetry - I'm still trying to get back in form :)

pic courtsey - librarian.net

Trying to heal with love

Cells die. Cells are reborn. One newly born cell has a basic DNA mistake. It misses, the usual programmed death that is supposed to happen. The result - mutation. It replicates. It replicates more. It starts to replicate uncontrollably.

He experiences pain. Scan shows a lump. Nothing to worry, he thinks, this has happened before. He gets it removed. The harmless looking lump goes to biopsy. Biopsy reports come back with one word - Cancer.
From that day on, I see him suffer. His pain increases with every test the doctors perform on him. His veins bulge with the numeruous injections.
Chemotherapy starts. More injections. Bland food. I see him suffer more.
I see him suffer as he tries to convince me that he is going to be ok. I feel the pain, as he tries to laugh it off.
I laugh it off along with him.
He is going to be okay. I know so. I believe so.
As the doctors continue to do what they are trained to do best, I try to help, by doing what I can do at the least.
I can love him more.....


"Reduce his pain lord"

From Corporation to Corporate - What we were to what we are

I remember the days, when I spent endless hours in the hot sun, climbing trees and racing my cycle like a maniac, fogetting the time, until my mom screamed from window to come back in and clean up.
Now, I spend my entire day under the AC, even the mild heat is starting to hurt my head.

Owning a Gear cycle was a luxury. If you dont feel like cycling, you walked. Now, a life without a car seems impossible.

Mom took me out on outings, shopping I waited to travel by the city buses in which I rarely got a chance to ride The crowd and the noise.. aaah! heaven.
To avoid the rush, the heat and the noise, a fleet of AC volvo buses are available; even for the next bus stop.

Rnning around, playing games happened to be the only exercise (apart from PT in school). Exhorbitantly charging gyms and aerobics classes are now in trend. not to mention the preposterous diets that we kill ourselves with. Whatever happened to the days where a strenuous evening of play for rewarded by home-made-straight- from-the-pan bajjis and bondas.

"Come out!!! Lets play!!!", I used yell, from the gate of my best bud's house, we disapperared for the entire evening. Now, my best friend plays with me sometimes, from the comfort of her home, over the internet.

Bleeding cuts, fractured arms, stitches and healed scars were displayed proudly. Along with how we got them (exaggerated stories of course). Now, anti-marks creames rule. Not to mention, even the smallest of cut, now has to be treated by the doctor. Whatever happened to the days, when no matter how deep the wound was, burning anti-septic and a kiss from mom would heal it all.

We wrote letters when we were apart, me and my bud. We email now. Sometimes chat. But I miss the paper tinted with tears. Every inch covered with funky stickers. Hand made decor and the joy of just seeing a handwriting, that gives you all the joy in the world.

Eating from the road-side shops. Playing in the dirt. Sleeping on the terrace on summer nights. Counting stars. Endless things, I'm missing.
I've now become from corporation to Corporate.
Was the change worth it???

A hi and a Bye

I hereon embark upon something new. Something that is more intoxicating than life, and even more wonderful than freedom from the physical form.
And Certain things are better left unsaid.

I Quit blogging.
I may come back. I may not. I wish to keep this page as such, as a reminder of what I was, to the person I will be.

Thank you so much for being patient with me for so long and for every review and every follow which means a lot to me.

Bye guys...

Ready... Set.... Fight...

I'm not doing justice by keeping mum about why I moved out of my old apparment.
Well so here it goes...

I imagine my roomie to be something [ Think tall heavy set girl with glasses who reads books and loves to watch movies] and she turns out be.. well... something else [Think short heavy set girl minus glasses who dos not read, blog, surf and watches a lot of movies which have no sense in them].

Now at first she is really sweet with me.. And one fine morning she follows me into the bathroom [Please put your mind voices to rest] and dumps detergent on all the buckets available and announces she wants to have bath. I ask her to wait for 15 mins which she does not want to do, and I give in not wanting to push it any further. She then follows me out and picks up a plate and heads to the kitchen to have breakfast....
I was stumped. Being stupidly polite I waited... Then ofcourse eventually the fight came up. There was a loud exchange of disappointment [ This being the understatement of this century].

Well atleast I came to know, this is all you can expect from a person, who carries their handbag into the balcony [ which is 6X3 feet ] does a on the spot piroutte to look for a doormat, which I specifically mentioned was not there.

Oh Hey!!! and some of my batchmates I never mentioned, simply cause I mentioned people who were actually worth mentioning. I mean a bunch of gomathis [thanks soin for the word!!] is really not what I want to waste my blog space on. Especially, those who turn their faces away when you try wishing them on their birthday.

ComeBack

Ok so its just gonna be rambling now...
Its high time I update on whats been happening for over a month.

I dont feel grown up at all. Infact I feel younger than ever. Working has definately dug out energy from deep within me (something i thought did not exist).

Lest start from work - The place is awesome. Period.
So I started off as a meek freshie along woth 26 other freshies who are all double my height.
Then I move into this so called paying guest accomodation, and in no sooner than two weeks, my roomie starts to lose cool with me, and we have a shouting match about who gets to use the bathroom when.
I move into my second house, where everyone is really cool. Alls well on that side.

Now to my colleagues - The normal ppl (my ex-roomie included)

1. JM - thats her global id, so i'll keep it that way. She thinks she is cool. She's not.
2. MJ - as AB calls her, is a sweetheart, a lil lose on the head sometimes.
3. RKP - My ex-roomie. To prevent myself from using foul lingo, I'll stop with the fact that she was my roomie.
4. SK - Okay sorts. Great companion.
5. The northie fellows - good bunch to hang around and have fun with. Wish they would learn when to stop stretching jokes beyond the tolerance level.

My colleagues - The cool ones (as in my gang - not weirdly though I'm the only girl)

1.Subs - Reminds me of my dad. Trust him completely when it comes to shopping. One of the best dressed guys in the batch.
2.Seven - Sweetest of the lot. Looks silent but is not in reality. It took him a while to come out.
3.Praise - The regular Tamil guy. Super fun to be with. And super fun to torture.
4.Ding Ding - Silent. So very silent. Sad the stuff he says is never heard. It would make a great book.
5.Venky - Has the cutest smile of all. For some reason he finds it amusing to point out every now and then that I'm short.
6. God of War - Non-stop gabber. Will tease anyone about anything anywhere anytime. But is pretty sweet down below.
7.Snake Dancer - He has a constant smile on his face. Take it easy types. Teams up with GOW to tease the hell out of people.
8.Doctor - Quite obnoxious sometimes. But is actually a very sensible fellow.
9.B - Everyone hates it when I call him that.He is okay sorts. Fun :)
10 AB - By far, the most sensible friend I have had after Mags. Great fun to be with. And easiest of the lot to talk with.

Thats everyone... Stories, pics and poems will flow :) :)

And I also got my first salary. :)
I have already blown it off :D

YIPEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello my dear bloggermates... Thnaks for being so super patient with me and not removing from your follow list (Tee hee!)....

I've got my wireles (Finally!!!!!!), who best to share it with than u ppl :)

I solemly swear I will be regular in writing....
cya guys soon soon sooooooooooooon
YIPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A big Apology..... And a big Thank you..

Hi guys,

I've been away an awfully long time. A big thanks to Leo who posted for me last week :)..
I'm not able to write weekly as I promised at the same time, I've been missing it.
Work has taken over my life. And I've already almost got into a cat-fight at work. (Thank god for a sane roommate).
Living off Andhra meals daily is a tough task. And the office cafeteria does not help at all.
My batch is a bunch of seriously cool and fun loving people, and all I do all day is laugh at the silliest of jokes.

I have to stop it here for now, as the mosquitoes in the browsing centre are drinking all the blood from my feet.
I'm off home for the weekend.
Will post from home....

Many thanks for the follow The Write Girl, Meow & Brinda
PS: Even with a roomie who acts like my mom, I'm terribly starved and homesick.
PPS: I'm so sorry, I haven't been reading any of your posts... Will do it from home :) :)

Departed

I awoke from my trance

Looking down, I saw me

Peaceful smile on my face

Saw tears from my friends

They took me like in a daze

I realized, I was the soul

Looking at an empty shell

I took with me, the wisdom

Imparted over many years

Leaving with some tears

A body that served so well

Why did I have to live?

I left behind a sad song

Why did I make friends?

When at this final end

Their tears I took along

Is this where we belong?

It makes me wonder so

Poised we are at the end

To be forgotten forever

An escape from the pain

It makes me wonder

Is death a choice?

For OSI


PS: Sorry for missing the Sunday.
PPS: Posted by Leo for Priya

Day 1 -The D-Day.. an early Adieu...

This is my last day in chennai.
Tomorrow, I have to start treading in unknown waters, and for the first time in my life, I'm all by myself.
Uncertainities are still lurking around my brain (which is freshly re-wired). But I guess all will be well.
Considering I haven't made even accomodation arrangements, Internet and blogging has to take the back seat for now.

Owing to the fact, that I finally have a full time job now I'll be writing daily, and posting weekly.

Adieu till next sunday :) :) :)

PS: This does not mean I'm quitting, I will be inficting myself upon blogger less often, till I get myself wireless modem :) :)

Day 2 - The Moonlight Jive

A soft whisper stirred my nice reverie.

"Come, look out the window and see"

Welcomed, by soft kisses of the breeze,

I watched happily, the swaying of trees.

"Look up", came the soft whisper again,

Pearlish moon was smiling for me to see,

Many stars twinkling above like a crown,

A silent melody played softly just for me.

It gave me hope, took away all my fears,

It lightened the pain I had all these years.

"I've missed so much, of beauty in life"

I let go of past. joined the moonlight jive.

PS: Childish as it may sound.. I felt extremely good writing it :)

PPS: Belated thanks (:P) to HaRy for the follow :)

Home Manager - Dad :)

This was shocker waiting for me today morning when I went to the kitchen to make my dad breakfast (Mom doesn't live with us , hence I'm incharge). My dad was in a great mood and hence wanted to help me "Arrange" the kitchen.
I whole heartedly appreciate his effort and I love him for trying to be so sweet :) But I just had to share here, My dad's idea of an arranged kitchen... God help him after I move out...

Gallows Of Love

The virtue of love, I did learn from you,

But with that intoxication came pain

Why do I have to suffer, in agony again?

In happiness all the pain I did accept.

For you, is this where love & hate intersect?

Ripped from its shell, it is you my soul follows,

Why was it you, who sent it to the gallows.

Sita sings the blues....

PS: The whole video is 1.5 hours... watch if you have the patience and an unlimited connection.
PPS: The background note strangely resembles the theme of "Koi Mil Gaya movie", correct me if I'm wrong...

Day 4 & 3 - Fever spoils the fun... Diary comes to the rescue

Down with fever :( Guess my sis saabam-uttufied pretty bad. My brain wouldn't do any thinking and I could not stay away from blogging... My diary came to rescue. I unearthed another one of my favorite poems. This is one is fairly recent...

Masks

True colours fade,

Hidden under the veneer of falsity.

Take me away from underneath,

Before in there I jade...

To her I'm happy,

Strong willed and fiery.

To him I'm shy,

sad, yet smiling and fluttery.

Beneath my happiness,

Are tears.

And the pretence of courage,

Wrap my fears.

Take me away,

From under this Mask.

For if this is what it takes to be human,

It is not in a dark limelight, I wish to bask.

PPPS: Thanks Arunima for the follow :)

Day 5 - Operation Scare-the-Little Freak

The kalyana chatram was now empty and operation clean-up was going on and all of us were required to help. Since I'd slept all morning I got the night shift along with three of my cousins (1 sister and 2 brothers fyi).
We did not get around to doing much cleaning since by 11 'o' clock we had managed to only throw things at each other and become tired. Settling down in the chatram itself for the night, my brothers and I hatched an evil plan.

We were talking about how, when my little sister was born, we were required to baby-sit her and she was never co-operative (she always used to pee on us). As she got older, we took revenge on her by locking her up in a room all alone, running away while we played hide-n-seek and she always ended up finding us immersed in some other game in a remote place, threatening her to dance or we would lock her up with the ghost in the bathroom (which was usually one of my brothers draped in white sheets). Sigh! those days.
[Do you think this is why she created an aversion to the very sight of us?]

Well, last night, she was fast asleep. She looked so peaceful, we could not tolerate it.
[ Let me call my brothers Kanaku Pulla and Vaathi (One is a B.Com student and the other is a Lecturer in a college, I know we never grow up).]
Kanaku had a brainwave and we decided to relive the old days. :D Even though Vaathi was acting all against, we managed to pull him on to our side.

Operation Scare-the- Little Freak was set rolling.

Scene : A room in the chatram, dimly lighted by a 0 watt bulb.

Vaathi: Ammu, wake up, Pri is missing.
[ammu wakes up all groggy]
Ammu: Is that why the room is silent? She must be in the loo or something.
[my dear sis takes a stab at me even when half asleep]
Vaathi: Illa di. Something is wrong, we came up together but she is missing. Come help me look for her.
[my sis agrees reluctantly]
[Both carry a torch and start looking around. My sis is such a wit, not once she thought of switching on the lights (exactly like we were hoping - or the whole plan booos)]
[Vaathi and sis marching in the dark looking for me]
Ammu: Are you sure she would've come here? I dont like this place. Its so eerie at night.
[turns back to realise that its not vaathi but kanaku standing there]
Ammu: AYE! When did you come?
Kanaku: Yenna di? Gone mad? I only woke you up and brought you here.
Ammu: Aye you people are playing with me again. I'm going back.
Kanaku: Fine go alone. If they find you dead tomorrow morning, I wont be responsible for it. Pri is missing already.
[Ammu is visibly confused, teary and angry at the same time]
Ammu: But I'm sure it was Vaathi who came with me.
Kanaku: SSHHH!!!!! do you hear that?
[Ammu breaks into a sweat]
Ammu: What?
Kanaku: ssshh!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN...

[JHAL JHAL JHAL... sound of chalangai.]

[Ammu is paralysed]
Ammu: Its behind me no???? YENAKU PINNADI THAANE IRUKU????
[I'm standing behind Ammu with face painted in sunnambu holding a flashlight below my chin (its off - climax cue is yet to come]
Kanaku: Illa di loose. If you want turn around and see.
[Ammu rotates slowly rooted to the spot and that my cue]
[Tak! The torch is on]
[Ammu sees me emits a high pitched scream and starts running around the hall. Vaaathi switches on the light! and Ammu sees us three rolling on the floor laughing so hard!]

Well the aftermath: She complained (tattle-tale) to anybody who would listen. We were heartily congratulated by our other cousins, who deeply enjoyed the blow-by-blow of the incident. The parents punished us in a really silly way by giving us chores to do (We caught them laughing about it in private). It felt refreshingly good.

PS: Avaloda saabamo yenaamo I don't know I'm down with fever today.
PPS: Thanks to my new chalangai type golusu (anklet) which has earned me a new nick-name Mohini Pisasu.
PPPS: I'd like to clear a mis-conception by mentioning that Mohini was not a pisasu but the female form taken by Vishnu (not the blogger guy) during the Kurma (pronuounce "KOORMA" not as in chapathi side-dish) avtar, to distribute amritham to the devas (who are always helpless despite their powers)
PPPPS: I'm nowhere near dismantling adulthood, judging by the way I've been behaving since this blog was created. I'm now considering re-naming the blog "Climbing Up and Down the Ladder of Time". Tell me your views on that and also why my sister hates me - I'd like to know :) :)

Elusive...

Your silence speaks to me more than your words...

the pauses are not awkward, but moments of deep understanding...

Is this silence going to rule.. or will there be a time

When i get to hear what my heart longs for...

The sound that keeps my spirits alive..

the waves that give me the strength to go on...

Remember , that every time you are silent , the absence of the vibrations,

is pulling at my life strings....

Speak.. for it keeps me alive....

Give me an answer, why is it to you my heart is glued?

Speak.. why is it only me you elude?